Erin: Welcome to T2A chat for February 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day…we’re discussing trends in online relationship building with Gail Laguna, a representative of major commercial service Spark Networks and with Joy Allison, a very happily married client of a Spark personals website JDate. Spark has launched a network of religious, ethnic, special interest and geographically targeted online singles communities. Let’s start with a question from one of our overseas friends…
-------------------------------
Rana Hanan, Feltham, UK: How authentic are the profiles on Spark, because bachelors like me seek life partners and would like to rely on Spark...
Gail: We believe that the majority of our profiles are legitimate. All our profiles are reviewed before they go live on the site. We make our best effort to ensure they are legitimate and that there is no offensive language or photos in the profile. Our sites, because they are targeted, attract relationship-minded adults and are less likely to attract “lookyloos”.
-------------------------------
Ibrahima Diop: I would like to know the goal of the creation of this website.
Gail: Spark's mission is to connect relationship-minded singles for successful relationships. Each of our communities has its own mission. For instance on jDate, our mission is to ensure the Jewish traditions and culture is carried on through future generations.
Joy: I have a comment for the participant from Britain who asked an earlier question. Whether you are meeting via online or face-to-face, you must be prepared to read between the lines and know that you have to trust your instincts and hope that you are being told the truth. I found the profile questions probing and insightful and they helped me eliminate some of the awkwardness of a first date.
-------------------------------
Windwossen, Ethiopia (email): How is online matchmaking different from conventional matchmaking?
Gail: Our services aren’t matchmaking services in that they empower the users to expand their social circle and interact with other like-minded singles. We can help narrow your search based on your preferences, but ultimately we don’t do the matching, our members match themselves.
Joy: The beauty of services like jDate are that they allow you to specify the characteristics you desire, and while they provide you with information about people that match your desire, it is ultimately your responsibility as the subscriber to make a connection.
-------------------------------
Imo-Obong, Nigeria (email): Wow! What a chat to recapture the spirit of Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day to you folks out there in VOA, Ms. Laguna, are online relationships healthy and what are the latest trends? And how does Spark Networks ensure that clients are truthful?
Gail: We do not encourage singles to have online relationships. It’s best to meet face to face soon after meeting online to see if there is chemistry. But it’s not healthy to have an exclusively online relationship. -We don’t conduct background checks. We advise our members to use common sense when meeting new people online and proceed with caution until you are comfortable with your new relationship.
Joy: I think it's imperative that we always remember to use sound judgment and while my personal experience began with jDate and emails, I quickly progressed to telephone calls so that I could truly hear the tenor of the gentleman's voice and what I believed was his sincerity.
-------------------------------
K. Gopi, India (email): Happy Valentines Day. Can you explain, how far I can trust online relationships?
Joy: You have to trust your gut, your instincts.
Gail: We don't see much difference between whether you meet online or offline, someone you don't know. You need to use common sense and if somebody is not honest online, they're likely to not be honest offline as well. And unfortunately, the rare minority can affect the overall perception. However, the majority of people using our services are looking for long-term serious relationships. Over 85 percent of the members on jDate are interested in a long-term relationship or marriage.
Joy: My experience with many American friends is that online dating has become the alternative to hanging out in places you really don't desire in order to meet people outside your normal circle.
-------------------------------
Abrar Malik, Ireland: Do you entertain sexually oriented people including gays and lesbians. Should you think they should be allowed to be a member of Spark Network? As you see no religion allows sexual orientation marriages.
Gail: We address that issue on a community-by-community basis. A number of our religious sites do not accommodate same sex searching, while others do.
-------------------------------
Erin: Why should people look online for love?
Gail: First and foremost, you’ll increase your options and increase your possibilities. It’s also easier to find someone who shares certain traits you “must have” in a partner… for instance, they want to have children, they share your religion, and that they have the same religious, dietary or lifestyle habits.
Joy: I think people look online because the alternative of hanging out in a bar and to some measure even relying on your friends for an introduction is just not what it used to be.
-------------------------------
P. Madan Mohan, India (email): Joy, how did you feel before marriage and after marriage about initiating your online relationship with your husband?
Joy: (laughs) For me, resorting to online dating came as a result of not meeting anyone in the day to day life that I wanted in a long-term relationship. I whole-heartedly support the idea that specific websites, in this case jDate, allow Jewish singles to meet other people with the same interests.
-------------------------------
Erin: Joy; is your husband the first person you met on jDate?
Joy: I had met one other man via jDate but just prior to announcing our formal engagement, he tragically passed away. Many years later I revisited jDate and once again found love the first time around.
-------------------------------
Erin: Joy, what would you have done differently in your online jDate experience?
Joy: Had I known about jDate years earlier, I would have happily been among its first subscribers. I have no complaints, regrets or remorse regarding money or time spent, and I believe that jDate attracts truthful clients.
-------------------------------
Erin: What is some advice that you can give people who are going on a first date with their online dating match?
Joy: I think as in any dating situation, it is imperative that you identify your must haves or have-nots. The soone you address them, the better off you are.
-------------------------------
Erin: Is this kind of like some sort of speed dating?
Joy: No. A service like jDate allows you to constantly sit at a computer and answer profile questions about yourself, as well as desirable characteristics of a partner. Unlike speed dating, while the computer will assist you with a profile introduction of someone who meets your criteria, it is incumbent upon you as the subscriber to make any connection whatsoever.
-------------------------------
Erin: Is online dating safe – how do services like jDate ensure safety?
Joy: Good judgment is good judgment. Personally I don't recommend that you give out your personal mailing or email address and that you meet at a public place for the first time. As stated earlier, I would encourage that the actual online communication be somewhat limited and if there is actual interest, that you proceed with a phone call in order to determine further interest.
-------------------------------
Erin: So when you met your husband in person for the first time, was he what you expected, based on everything you knew about him from jDate?
Joy: He was about 2 inches shorter than I thought and I didn't care. Truth be told, I had a feeling on our first phone call that I had met my match. You have to trust your instincts and thankfully I did.
-------------------------------
Erin: That wraps today’s T2A chat about online relationships…our thanks to Gail Laguna with Spark Networks and to Joy Allison, client of a Spark personals website Jdate. Joy worked with us here at VOA until four years ago. If we were not able to immediately address your question or comment, we will follow up with you via email. We hope you can join us for two chats next week. Our Special Edition chat about Pakistan’s delayed elections is Tuesday, February 19th at 1800 UTC. We’ll discuss the results with VOA National Security Correspondent Gary Thomas and VOA Urdu Service Managing Editor Razi Rizvi. For our regular chat on Wednesday, February 20th at 1800 UTC, we go to Hollywood for a preview of film’s biggest award night. The 80th annual Academy Awards will be presented in Hollywood on February 24th. Entertainment reporter Alan Silverman joins us to discuss one of the most-watched events around the world each year. It’s all on voanews.com See you then!
Back to Past Chats
