Almost 40 years after the communist Khmer Rouge took over Cambodia and embarked on a four-year reign of terror and genocide, many of those who survived are finally able to talk about it. That includes a film director whose documentary about the Khmer Rouge received an Oscar nomination - the first for a Cambodian film.
Some survivors living in the United States say the film brought back painful memories but helps in the healing process.
Long Beach, California, is home to the largest Cambodian community outside Cambodia.
Life in the United States is a stark contrast to the life Chan Hopson escaped in Cambodia and depicted in the documentary, The Missing Picture.
”When I was watching the film, I relived my life from the beginning to the end," she said. "I saw these people in my village who were killed, died of starvation and were tortured.”
Hopson was 34 years old when the Khmer Rouge came to power. She says they killed her husband and five brothers.
“One of my brothers was a technician at the airport at the air force, so this is a crime," she said. "So they killed him alive by hold his feet, tie his feet and throw him in the pit alive.”
Memories of what happened almost 40 years ago are also imprinted in Sam Keo’s mind. He was 18 and suffered from starvation.
“I remember that I found eight or 10 rats who were just born, still red," he said. "I was still hungry, I ate that alive, just to survive.”
Keo, a clinical psychologist, helps Cambodian Americans who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder. He says many survivors feel guilt for being alive. He too lived with it for many years after his brother died.
“My mother asked me for a little bit of rice of mine to give to my little brother who was sick, and I need to go to work," he said. "I want that little rice. I said 'No, I need to keep for myself.' And she said 'If you don’t give to him, he’s going to die.' And when I came back, he surely died.”
As painful as it is to recall what happened, The Missing Picture director Rithy Panh says it's important do so.
“The genocide is not only killing," said Panh. "The genocide is also the destruction of the identity of your dignity. Where the Khmer Rouge destroyed dignity, we must rebuild dignity there. Where the Khmer Rouge destroyed identity, you must bring back identity there.”
Panh says it's important for all future generations to remember what happened.
“It’s not about Cambodia only, it’s about the whole world because when you know somewhere that the dignity of the people is threatened or destroyed it concerns you also,” he added.
Many Cambodian survivors in the U.S. say the film is a reminder that they are not alone in suffering from the memories of what happened. Chan Hopson tries to bring that message to the men, women and children in her community.
“I think that God persecuted me to I can see the pain and suffering so I can dedicate my life to save the children to enrich the children to give them a better future at the same time to help my people to heal,” she said.
To heal from their painful history so they are freed from the traumas of the past and can embrace a cultural identity that is also filled with beauty.